Yesterday was a good day to be a Canadian, but beyond that, it was a good day to be a Canadian artist.
Letting go, stepping back, giving up?
Posted By Alida on June 29th, 2009
I made a decision yesterday.
I made the tough decision to step back from a project that I’ve been involved with — a project incorporates many departments, most of which are continually reaching new levels of professionalism and quality — because the element of it that I’ve been a part of is the lowest quality, the least professional, and the most resistant to change.
It was a tough call, and I’m still not sure I did the right thing, but if I’d stayed with it, I’m not sure that would have been the right thing, either. There is no right answer here, and I’m having a hard time reconciling that.
I place great value on not doing work that is below an acceptable standard, and that holds true for the work I do as an individual, as well as for organizations that I’m involved with. I don’t want my name associated with that particular sub-group of the project. I don’t want my reputation to be intertwined with it, no matter how little of an impact my involvement may have in the larger scheme of things, until the quality improves.
And that’s the thing. I’m still committed to the long-term success of the project as a whole — including this particular, less-than-quality element of it. There are many things that can, should, and must be done in order to up the ante and make it what it can and should be; they’re just not being done yet, and until they are, I don’t feel like I can be involved in a visible way. I’ll be working behind the scenes and offering support and help to those who are making the decisions and taking things in the right direction, but I don’t know that I can be the one to put my name to it.
And yet, Colin can. He’s staying on in the same capacity as he always has, and he’ll continue to be that presence, and that’s the right decision for him.
But for me? I don’t know. I’m unsettled, no matter what I do.
Tags: aesthetics, Theatre, things I'm working on
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Comments 5
I have a guess as to what you’re talking about, though I won’t mention it by name if you aren’t going to. And if it is what I’m thinking of, then I understand your decision completely.
Colin has a lot of patience and is pretty easy going, so it takes an awful lot to drive him away from anything. He’s also very committed (or should be! Ha!) to anything he agrees to do, and breaking a commitment would be pretty out of character. (I say this in spite of his disturbing tendency to show up late for any rehearsals I happen to be running… LOL) These are good qualities, though it can be sometimes frustrating for those of us going, “Why do you put up with this?!”
Yes, Allison, you do know what I’m talking about. :)
And, you know, it’s his patience and long-suffering that made me question my decision for as long as I did. If he can stick with it, I should be able to, too–and if I absolutely needed to, I could. However, he has a different sort of investment in it than I do, and our reactions to the same problem don’t need to be the same. Just because I’m stepping back now doesn’t mean that it’s the end for me–and it doesn’t even mean that it’s the end for this year. It just means that I’ll be elsewhere.
I don’t think you “should” be able to do things just because Colin can do them. You are different people, with different temperaments and different strengths and weaknesses. And really, there aren’t many people in the world who could put up with the amount of stuff Colin seems able to put up with… So really, you’re the normal one here. LOL
And it’s not your responsibility to single-handedly improve the quality of that particular (what did you call it?) …department. There are battles you can win and battles that you can’t, (or at least, can’t win yet). Why waste your energy and be frustrated with this battle when you can shift your focus into other areas where you could actually make a difference?
I’m all for commitment, and I know that some things demand a certain amount of self-sacrifice, but there has to be a moment when you say enough is enough, this isn’t working for me. I’m sure Colin will support your decision just as you support his. I also think that it’s a sign of both maturity and a strong relationship to be able to say, “This is right for me, and that is right for the other person, and I don’t think he/she has to do what I do all the time”.
This issue resonates with me because of how I left Steel Magnolias, while Colin stayed on as sound designer. Colin said something like, “I hope you don’t mind if I stay on with the show…” and I was horrified that he’d think I might expect him to “take my side” and leave too. Granted, the situation isn’t entirely parallel, but it is similar. So I understand how you might not be sure you made the right decision; and I support both your decision to leave and Colin’s decision to stay.
I think my comment is now longer than your original post, so I’ll shut up now. :)
Exactly. It’s not that we have to do the same things and the same projects, although we really like working together and it’s a shame that it just isn’t working out that way this time. And of course he’s behind my decision, and I completely understand his, and there will be other situations where conditions are more optimal.
Sometimes, it is worth having that solidarity and leaving because someone else needs to, but sometimes, it’s just not, and this is one of those cases.
Sounds like you make the right decision…you have to be true to yourself….and as you said…you’ll still be involved on the back side of the project and wish for it success…and since Colin is still participating, you’ll be busy helping him and seeing his part to the end. Quality is not an easy thing to come by anymore.
Take care, and have a great summer.
Annette